And before that...

So, I'm on the toll road this morning thinking the things i usually think on the toll road, and someone drove by with a "WWJD?" bumper sticker so then i started thinking about Jesus and what Jesus would do if he was driving on the toll road that morning and i decided Jesus would fast forward through the song I was listening to since it was so boring, so I did that.

And then I was thinking about this sort of moral equation that went something like WWJD where J=Your Deepest Moral Center and I thought about how that little catchphrase is kinda neat if you really think about it and divorce it from some of the pseudochristian fundie nonsense (for instance, what would Jesus do? Jesus would beat up those fags!) and actually try to remind yourself to do the right thing whenever you can remember to, and be nice to people.

So then I drove some more, and drove and drove and drove, and then I was on Route 28 and there was a fender bender on the shoulder and people were rubbernecking and oops, i guess so was i, and when i looked in front of me again i had to brake pretty hard cause there were people in front of me pretty close. It looked like a lot of people were having that problem cause a bunch of the cars in front of me were kinda angled into the shoulder to avoid hitting people in front of them. Anyway, i braked and it was fine, plenty of room between me and the guy in front of me and no squealing or anything but then buhchunk... guy in back of me hit me.

So my thoughts were: guy rear-ended me, it's not my fault, not gonna cost me any money, what would "jesus", where jesus=my deepest, nicest moral center, do? "Jesus" would be pleasant to this person and not make their day any worse. Got out of the car and the guy is getting out and he's going "Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!" and i see he's got a pretty nice jaguar. He looks pissed and i bristle up a little and turn my jesus off cause i'm like "shit, is this jagboy gonna try to blame me for this?" but then i asked if he was ok and he said "fuck" a few more times and then said "yeah i'm fine, are you?" and i said yeah, and i smiled, and looked at my damage, which was nothing worth putting an insurance claim in for, i could probably rub it out with my finger, not to mention, it's always been my firm belief that bumpers are there to get bumped, not look pretty.

So he definitely had some damage, and he was pretty upset about it but was smiling and laughing with me, and it was really a very pleasant fender bender. And i thought about how if I had been all like "fuck! what the fuck is your problem jagboy! look what you did to my beautiful honda bumper!" it would have been a really horrible morning and for no good reason.

He told me the story of his last jaguar that he parked at an airport and when he got back, a giant metal sign had fallen on it. I was like "damn, that's covered though right?" and he said yeah but it cost him $18,000 to replace because the car was 3 months old and had depreciated.

$18,000.

3 months.

Remind me not to buy a jaguar.

So anyway, we exchange info and as I'm writing stuff down i realize my hands are shaking really bad, and i couldn't figure out why.. the impact was like nothing, i didn't feel afraid for my life or even for like physical pain or anything, and i was secure the whole time knowing it wasn't my fault and my insurance wasn't gonna go up and i wasn't gonna owe anyone any money, but i guess just the excitement of it must have set my adrenalyn going. Isn't that weird?

Anyway, when he got my work number he recognized the exchange and asked "oh, where in AOL do you work?" and i told him and then he said "something something AOL Canada" and i was like "right, great, hey coworker" and he gave me his business card and said he would get his insurance to cover his damage (and i'm just realizing now i really hope he doesn't screw me over cause we didn't call the police), and we went on our merry way to work and i read the business card and he's actually the CEO of AOL Canada. Hahahahahah. And even as he was driving down 28, he got on his cell phone i guess to call his insurance company and i was like "silly CEO. will you ever learn? Jesus wouldn't talk on his cell phone while driving right after he fucked up his pretty jaguar!" and I started to wonder if the guy even got that i had been nice to him, but then i figured, it didn't really matter cause it still wouldn't have made it any more right for me to be all in his face about Nothing.

And that's the most exciting thing that happened to me today. Thuh end.