And before that...

I am in love, big deep love, with Julian the Octopusologist. His name is Julian, and he is an octopusologist, and he knows everything there is to know about octopuses. Ok probably it helps to already love octopuses so let me tell you why you should love them:

1) HUGE brains. Really really smart animals; there's some debate as to whether they're intelligent but that's such bullshit. They're absolutely intelligent. Just cause they're squishy people think they're dumb. But they have practically the equivalent of opposable thumbs with their suckers, and they have really really keen vision, on par with primate vision. So basically: squishy primates. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE A SQUISHY PRIMATE?

2) Squishy! They only have one solid body part and that's their beak, which is like the size of a coin,. So basically, anything that a coin can fit into, they can fit into. They just squeeze their beaks through and then the rest of them slithers in. They can chill in a beer bottle, a conch shell, there was one on this show this weekend that holed up in two coconut halves and held them together with his suckers and it was like OCTOPUS EASTER EGG! Like you crack it open and out pops a SQUISHY PRIMATE! HOW PSYCHED ARE YOU?

3) Neato colors: octopuses and cuttlefish can regulate their colors in the most astonishing ways. They can like, flash like little flashing lights, or they can camoflage themselves against whatever, and the mimic octopus, which is what this show with Julian the Octopusologist was about, can mimic poisonous sea animals like sea snakes and lion fish and stuff, using both its ability to spontaneously mimic patterns, and its ability to shape it's squishy muscle self into pretty much whatever the fuck it feels like. UNGH! I WANT AN OCTOPUS!

Ok so Julian: Julian is the australian octopusologist that looks like a skinny Jonathan Richman (no lie, he was that beautiful) and he's australian and he has uber crooked teeth but not brown or anything, just white and crooked. And let me tell you, there is NOTHING in this world sexier than a skinny fuckuptoothed Jonathan motherfucking Richman with this like, GLOW in his eye, describing an octopus' eye stalks popping into a beer bottle. There is also nothing sexier than a man who knows everything there is to know about one specific topic. And with unstoppable drive to find something. He was just so smart and so in love with octopuses, and i am so in love with him. I think he had a wedding ring on but whatever. Like that's gonna stop me.

OK, also, i love the discovery channel because RIGHT after that amazing show, there was a show about how our moon was formed and did you know it's really really rare and difficult to only have one moon AND that life on our planet would not be possible if we didn't just have the one moon because it keeps us spinning just on our one axis, so that our climate is regulated? And like, the angle of collision that was necessary for us to just form one moon was so precise and bizarre... i'm starting to think you know, i'm sure there's other intelligent life out there, but I would guess it's so unbelievably rare that we really might die out before we meet them. It's sad.

Ok also best best best rock show EVER this weekend: Dismemberment Plan, Aerialist, and Q and Not U. And Beat Down Sound but i missed them. Q and Not U apparently recorded a seven inch for Dischord so I'll be sure to let you know the SECOND it's available cause they are soo ooooooo oooooooo amazing my favorite part is in this one song where they all stop playing and all scream (not in the mics, just in the air)" D O W N and that's that way you get down!" LOVE THEM!

Also the plan and aerialist rule. I think i'm gonna ask lary on a date but don't tell him. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.