And before that...

Say, hypothetically, you're a complete asshole. And say you, asshole, are at a party and you run into a person you have done some nasty shit to. What is your course of action?

a) greet person heartily and RUB THEM ON THE HEAD, like a big friendly brother?

b) go shoot yourself in the fucking face. I hate you.

___________________________

So last night I got my first Christmas gift, from Marc "Jammin on the One" Nelson, who gave me a black fancy blank book that looks like something the smart people write things in, and he got it embossed with my name, which is Mary Chen. So now I have a book that no one else can claim is theirs unless their name is Mary Chen, and let me tell you, it's not. And if it is, I don't want to hear about it.

You know, a few months ago, my mom mailed me this stamp that I used to have in montessori, it's a rubber stamp of my name, which is Mary Chen. They made these stamps for us so that when we painted something we could put our name on it since we couldn't write yet. I had totally forgotten about it and then my mom mailed it to me, and now I want to carry it around on my neck and just stamp everything i see. Mary chen mary chen mary chen.

I wish instead of making toothbrushes that say "Mary" on them, they made them say "Mary Chen." That's my wish.

Ok also just for clarification, I have not always loved my name this much. There was a time, a LONG, FORMATIVE SPAN of time when it was not so cool to be half asian, and very specifically not so cool to be Mary Chen. There is a long stretch of recordings in this here head where pretty much every public place I went, I could count on this gaggle of cute, popular boys taunting me by repeating my name, over and over and over, pronouncing it like some sort of bizarre accented cackle like "maddychan maddychan maddychan!" So while it appears that I am merely an egomaniac (and I will admit to egomaniacism), I am actually just reclaiming my label, like a fag.

So fuck you cute popular boys.

Actually wanna hear a BOSS story? One of the boys that I always associated with those kids but who probably never actually said "maddychan" at me.. anyway, the cutest popularest boy that was especially cute and popular among the girls because he was somewhat mysterious, but was also in the alpha male crowd at St Edmonds... anyway. He never knew i existed. Until i was 16, and i worked at this newsstand where they sold skate mags. And he came in to look at skate mags, and then he left. And then he came back in, and he bought one, real nervous like. And he left. And then he came back in and asked me out. He had no recollection of ever meeting me at the skating rink in junior high (probably because come to think of it, he probably never did hahaha) or at the beach... He also seemed to have no idea that he had been as cute and popular as he was at that time. I suspect that by the time he asked me out, reality had set in and he had realized that he was a skater, and that there was nothing he could do about it, and he had probably parted ways with the alpha male crowd. But whatever, I went on the date (I had a boyfriend at the time but there was no fucking way I was gonna not live this one out) and didn't kiss him or anything but felt like, the most vindicated, pretty girl in the world, the girl who made whatshisface nervous. Hahahaha... i literally don't remember his name. Ah, life.