And before that...

Oh man oh man oh man. I am such a freak! What is the meaning of this?:

I had a dream last night that I went back to the doctor's office, I don't know if I was summoned or I was just going... except the doctor in the dream worked out of a beautiful old brownstone in Back Bay Boston. And he was older, but it was still Dr. Havens. And I get in and he's handing me these newspaper articles about my problem (you know, the Sunday New York Times Acid Reflux Section) and he gives me a bottle of pills, and we're all buddy buddy and nice. And as I'm leaving I'm thanking him from the bottom of my heart and he's like "and you thought I didn't care" and I'm like "No! No not at all!" and he gives me this knowing look, like he's motherfucking santa or something, and he pats me on the back and sends me on my way and as I'm standing on the steps (and it's all snowing and acting like Movie Boston Winter) I feel really bad about encouraging people to TP his house and I resolve to take that page down right away.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

Ok the other night nothing was on TV so I watched the portion of Wild Discovery: Julian the Sexy Octopusologist that I had managed to commit to tape and I checked his left hand out very carefully and there's a ring on the ring finger and on the pinky. Now, there's nothing to say that married men can't wear pinky rings, but somehow the combination of the two makes it look a lot less like he's married. Or maybe that's just my desire talking. Oh oh! I know! The other ring is his wife's ring! And she drowned and now he wears her wedding ring on his pinky!

He's my Rushmore, Max.

I am a sick motherfucker. What if he really did have a dead wife? That would be horrible and tragic and not something some stranger should be making light of in her stupid online diary.

Poor Julian. I could make the hurt go away.

Wait did I tell you someone sent me Julian the Octopusologist's honest to god email address? Now I know his full name. I can't email him though, I just can't. Know what he'd think of me? Not a whole lot. Me with my mouth like a sailor and my hip hop music. Still, how cool is the internet?

Also I watched my old Ultimate Guide: Octopus tape and they have black and white vision, so I guess to say they have primate vision is inaccurate. But it's of the same sharpness and detection as primate, just in black and white. Like literally what we see when we see a black and white movie, they can see all of those greys. Ok so shut up. I think I'd trade my color vision for the ability to flash like a neon sign ok?

Um what else. Boys are cute, I like them.

Christmas is neat.. oh i know! Ann got me these socks that have a picture of me on them! If my mouth were a perfect o and i was like a touch chinkier. They're the best. I was even wearing my hair in pigtails when she gave them to me and I haven't worn pigtails in a while. Also she gave me an umbrella with race cars on it vrrm vrrrrrrrrrrm!