And before that...

What I did on my summer vacation since I'm a grown up now and summer vacation lasts 3 days instead of 3 months and when do I get to retire again?

So ok, friday was the Glen E. Friedman opening and that was nice. Here's an unforgivably slow-loading page of pictures of the festivities. See if you can spot the Chen to win CASH PRIZES*

So ok saturday was what, saturday was the party right? First it was Chopping with Ann and i got shoes that are red! Ok i will confess to you: every time I go Choo Chopping, I end up buying a pair of goddamn hilfiger shoes. I am Not Proud. I am barely even tolerant.. but it's like, every discount shoe store has a load of really really cute shoes in the 5 1/2 section that are invariably hilfigers. This time it was red velcro maryjanes. So hot, like lipstick for your feet. Except they're mary janes, ok that's a little britney spears, but whatever. TWENTY BUCKS! Totally swank. And i didn't have to spend 2 hours pulling the goddamn hilfiger logo out of these, so it's extra fantastic.

Then saturday night was the party which was fun on some levels, especially the part where there were three Marys there all wearing red shoes (or, as discussed, lipstick for your feet) and also because at some point, it became genuinely necessary to yell "WHERE'S MY FUCKING TIARA?" which i really encourage you to try sometime, it is so so open to interpretation. Of course, yours will not be as perfect as ours because Heidi Glenn really was genuinely missing a tiara, which was later located in an upstairs bedroom with some naked people, and we certainly had fun also yelling "FUCK ME YOUR HIGHNESS" and wondering which of the naked people, the girl or the boy, might have been yelling that part, but whatever. I say that was a party, is what I say.

Sunday I saw a chipmunk on my air conditioner behind the big bushy bush and it had no idea that I was holding Iodine up to see it, duh, stupid chipmunk. But when it finally jumped down and stopped being so cute, Iodine turns back to me and goes "brrr?" like "can we can we?" But we couldn't.

Monday nothing happened.

So ok. That's all.

*That is a LIE. I LIED TO YOU. ARE YOU GOING TO STAND FOR THAT SHIT?