And before that...

There was this Discovery show about human evolution the other day, with lots and lots of re-enactments, which, I think were supposed to be these advanced Reenactments2000, but they still looked exactly as shitty as every other evolution reenactment you've ever seen.

I tend to watch those things, cause I love to see how they deal with the flaws in current evolution theory. Specifically hairlessness. This particular one was fucking awesome because they just entirely glossed over it. Didn't even mention it. It was just like Scene 1: Hairy hominids, cut to scientist talking about something else and then Scene 2: Hairless hominids! No discussion whatsoever.

Normally they try to pass it off as "oh and then we lost our hair because it was so Hot and Sunny on the savannah, and so, that was our coping mechanism, was to lose our protection.. i mean hair... um, just like all of the other mammals on the savannah like um.... lions and tigers and um all the other primates, who, well, ok they didn't specifically lose their hair per se but... we did."

I'm being sneaky. I'm totally trying to sell you on the evolutionary theory I subscribe to, which is the Aquatic Ape Theory. In very very condensed form: we have a lot, i mean A LOT, in common with aquatic mammals. We have a subcutaneous fat layer (which we share with no other primates, but do share with sea mammals), we are hairless (which we share with no other primates, but do share with sea mammals), we have voluntary breath control (which we share with no other primates, but do share with sea mammals), plus a whole bunch of other shit. I'm doing a disservice to the theory by not having all the facts on hand but seriously.. go read some of Elaine Morgan's books (The Scars of Evolution is a great place to start).

I don't know. This is probably pretty tiresome. And there is still a gaping hole in the theory, which is the geological and fossil record proof. But... I used to track some discussions on the topic on usenet, and the anthropologists were SO fucking ridiculous about it! Someone would ask what the aquatic ape theory was, and some smartass would reply "oh, that's the theory that says because i like to swim, i evolved in the water. Hey! My dog likes to swim too! Maybe my dog will become bipedal!" And then Elaine Morgan would get on there and be like "listen, could someone please just refute the fucking theory (she did not have mary chen's potty mouth of course) and then maybe we can have a dialogue?" And some asshole would be like "I wrote a detailed refutation!" and she'd be like "WHERE CAN I READ IT?" and he'd be like "uh my dog ate it. you know, the one that can swim, yuk yuk. HEY! MAYBE MY DOG WILL BECOME BIPEDAL! HAW HAW HAW"

Hey and incidentally, Elaine Morgan figured out that whole "back to sleep" campaign that reduced SIDS incidences drastically, based on her aquatic ape research too, FYI.

Boring Chen!

But it's so not boring. Go read those books. It's not Elaine Morgan's theory, it's actually been around for a long time, but she's wrote the most on it and is its biggest modern day proponent. But she doesn't get taken seriously because she doesn't have a doctorate in anthropology, and because she wrote books for public consumption instead of academic journals.