And before that...

Why don't you subscribe to the God theory? Does it really make sense that we were evolved from a hairless aquatic mammal or a monkey? How about someone with more power than you could imagine CREATED us. There is now way we evolved quick enough to keep up with modern technology. Think about it 4 million years ago, we didn't need to type, but now we do. God knew we would so he gave us fingers.

Good diary by the way.
David J. Ellis Jr.
Asst. Ticket Manager
University Of Kentucky

Oh, Mr. David Ellis Jr., think about it I did, and I was reminded almost immediately of an episode of the '80s family drama, Three's Company, in which one of the main characters, Chrissy, most known for her razor-sharp insight into human nature and the nature of all things, remarked, (I paraphrase)"Isn't it great that God gave us ten fingers? It's perfect for counting! And our noses? In just the right place to hold our glasses up!"

I recall sitting back in shocked wonderment on hearing that and thinking to myself, "Chrissy is so right. God's plan is perfect indeed."

Having since been led astray into brief stints with satanism, rock music, and cultural elitism, I lost my way and eventually truly believed that we were born of monkeys in the water. Reading Mr. Ellis' poignant email this morning was like... like having the bandaid of blindness to God's plan ripped from the scabby flesh of my spiritual knees.

It is all so clear to me now. I look around my office and all I see is evidence of God's master plan in crafting our human bodies to accommodate twentieth century technological advances. My thumbs? Exquisitely fitted for pushing thumbtacks into particleboard. My ears? My mouth? Divinely located for use with a telephone receiver. Of course, so are an ape's, but God may have been preparing apes, chimps in particular, for their eventual destinies as comic relief in many movies and television shows, in which they might be required to hold a phone receiver up to their heads and pretend to talk. If the monkey's mouth was, for instance, on its belly, it simply wouldn't have made sense for Lancelot Link to pick up a phone receiver and mimic speech.

God even went so far as to place most of our asses beneath our heads, so that we could see our monitors on our desks while we sat in chairs.

And not only did God plan brilliantly, but economically. The same hand that I can use to hold the receiver up to my ear/mouth area can also be used to shift my car into gear. God did not weigh us down with additional limbs fitted for each appliance we might need to use in the future, he built them all into one set of versatile tools. Who knows what future modern conveniences our hands and legs might already be suited for? It is not ours to know, of course, but His.

P.S. I weep for Kentucky.